I'm really into asian looking animals
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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