my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
