I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
