I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
