my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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