hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
