Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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