I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
