I think I died a long time ago.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
