I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
