Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
