I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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