I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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