Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
