Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
