I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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