What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
