he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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