Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
