My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
