My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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