After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
