Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
