Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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