I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Couch. On fire.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
