im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't deserve a penis
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
