Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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