i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
