Porn is love you can see.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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