the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
