: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
