Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
