Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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