did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i think my cat just said my name.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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