So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
