I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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