The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
