I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
