The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
