thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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