im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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