dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
