It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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