I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
