the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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