Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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