Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
