How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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