i think my tv is drunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I understand Curling. That high.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
