I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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