Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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