I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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