so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
