so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
