I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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