I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
