come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
