Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
