Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
