I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
