he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
