Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
