me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
