We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well you can't waste a boner
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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