my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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