i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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