I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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