is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
