I'm laying in your front yard are you home
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
