Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
