im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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