Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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