I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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